by: Kathy Best, CNC, RRC, ILG, RM
October 31, 2023
When it comes to weight loss there are hundreds of diets out there that can help just about any one take off extra weight. I should know. I’ve tried many of them. You see as a child I struggled with my weight due to childhood trauma. I didn’t have the emotional tools to process my experiences as a child and so I turned to food for comfort, reward and a band aid for fear, shame and loneliness. I became a very fat child and was bullied and ridiculed throughout elementary and middle school because of my weight. It got so bad in middle school that I seriously contemplated suicide. I’m not sure what stopped me to this day. I had it planned out, but at the last minute I couldn’t go through with it. So I decided I needed to lose weight instead.
My Weight loss Journey
As a 12 year old kid I had no idea what a healthy diet was or exactly what I needed to do to lose weight, so I decided to start walking to and from school every day and when I felt like I ate too much I would make myself vomit. This was before the internet and my parents weren’t in shape so I didn’t think they would be able to help me. I just knew I needed to do something and this had to be better than nothing.
I cut back the amount of food I was eating at meals, started putting more effort in during gym class and continued to walk or ride my bike as much as I could. It was a struggle at first as I was very fat, but I was determined to change my body so people would stop bullying and ridiculing me. It took me a couple of years, but by the time I started high school I was down to 110 pounds and dropped down to 99 pounds my Freshman year.
And things started to turn around as far as bullying and ridiculing went, but I still felt like everyone was judging me and that I was still that fat little girl that no one liked. So to soothe those feelings of insecurity I started drinking and smoking. The drinking helped me feel a little less shy and fearful and the smoking helped calm my nerves and cut back on my eating even more. I also took a weightlifting program in my gym class and really enjoyed learning how to strengthen and tone my body. Then I met some people who were into metal music and smoking pot and they seemed to accept me when no one else did, so I started down that slippery slope.
My poor choices and my lack of experience or wisdom put me in some very difficult situations and led me to make even more unhealthy choices, but at least I wasn’t fat. I had always been a high achieving student who never made less than a B in any class until my Sophomore year. When I failed my History class I dropped out of high school. I started working full time at a restaurant, moved to a couple of different states, got my GED and continued my reckless lifestyle.
I wound up becoming a mother at 20. I quit pot, drinking and cigarettes while I was pregnant and gained 90 pounds in eight months. I had suffered from deep bouts of depression for over a decade, but nothing prepared me for the level of depression that enveloped me after my son was born. It was all I could do to drag myself out of bed each day, take care of my child and go to work. Luckily I had very compassionate parents who helped me care for my son. His father did the best he could, but he had even bigger issues than I did and our relationship was very volatile.
Trying to drop the pregnancy weight was more difficult than I anticipated. I remember going to my OBGYN for my six week check up and a nurse asking me when my baby was due. We were in the elevator when she asked me and after I told her I gave birth six weeks ago the embarrassment for both of us was palpable. She couldn’t get off the elevator fast enough. I can laugh about it now, but in that moment that was a big blow to my already low self-esteem.
It made me redoubled my efforts to lose weight. I bought some books on the South Beach Diet and started eating Lean Cuisine meals. I bought a couple pairs of weights and started recording exercise shows on PBS. I would squeeze in a workout in the morning before my son woke up and after work before dinner. I had quit smoking and drinking while I was pregnant, but I started back up as soon as my son was born. It took me a few years, but I finally dropped 80 pounds. The problem was that I was sick all the time, still had no energy, and developed skin and hormonal problems.
I also discovered that every diet I tried never seemed sustainable. Sure I could lose weight while I followed the diet: Atkins, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Eat for Your Blood Type, The Zone, 3-Hour Diet, Macro Diet, Eat For Life, Keto Diet, Ornish Diet, Nutritarian Diet, Paleo Diet, DASH Diet, Mediterranean Diet, etc. You name it I tried it and they all work for the short term, but nothing was sustainable for me because I wasn’t addressing the core thoughts, behaviors, beliefs and patterns I had developed that caused me to turn to use food as a reward and a replacement for the love and joy I wish I felt in my life.
In my spare time I started reading everything I could get my hands on at the library about weight loss, wellness and fitness. I tried all sorts of diets, exercise routines and investigated different health lifestyles, but nothing seemed to stick for very long. My weight and my health were both like a roller coaster ride. Meanwhile, I was struggling to be a good mother, trying to figure out how to raise a healthy, happy child when I couldn’t even figure out how to get healthy myself or what happiness was. I knew my life was a mess, my relationship was a sinking ship and my dead end jobs were never going to be enough to support myself and my son on my own. So I decided to go to college at the age of 26.
At that time I could only afford to get an associate degree, but it helped me land a better job in Accounting. That job allowed me to get out of a bad relationship, get my own home and do a deep dive into nutrition, wellness, well being, personal development and spiritual development. I spent much of my free time as a single mom reading, studying, researching, implementing and testing programs, systems, theories, and courses on everything from vegan eating to communicating with angels. I made education and training my new best friend. I got certifications in nutrition, coaching, energy work and so much more. I developed so many skills and abilities, gained so much knowledge and wisdom and along the way I uncovered and healed lifetimes of conditioning, programming, false thoughts and beliefs, illness, fears, resentments, sadness, pain, trauma and anger.
A Transformational Experience
I also had the most profound experience of bliss and pure love that I have ever known. I developed a regular meditation practice and would alternate between guided past life regression meditations, Monroe Institute meditations, chakra meditations and healing with angels meditations. During one of my meditations I was overcome by this powerful feeling of deep compassion, appreciation, strength, support and unconditional love. It was coming from inside me, but it wasn’t me expressing it. It felt like a warm fog had enveloped me internally and I was being held in the most strong, gentle, loving embrace I had ever know. Words cannot express how moving and humbling this presence was. It felt so expansive and so grateful that I was alive and could feel it’s deep love and appreciation for me. I remember being so enraptured by this feeling that tears of joy and awe were running down my cheeks and I just wanted to stay in this experience for ever. Then my mind started to question what was going on, where it was coming from and how this could be possible and as sudden and quietly as it had enveloped me, it melted away. I lay there wracked in sobs of amazement and gratitude as well as a deep longing to experience that again.
Months after that experience I felt whole, complete, unshakeable, connected to everything and everyone, filled with compassion, grace, kindness and love for all of life. The colors of life were more vibrant and vivid and I could see myself and a higher power in every person and every bit of nature. It was a truly remarkable and humbling experience that I will treasure forever, but it also showed me that we are so much more than this physical vessel. We are all here to embody the light and the love that is our pure essence. Everything that we experience is simply that – an experience. It’s our mind and our conditioning that makes it good or bad and perpetuates our unhappy experiences.
I cannot tell you how much my journey transformed my life and it wasn’t the end goal that was important, it was every little experience and growth moment I had along the way. I got to a place where I thought I was done growing and learning so I stopped doing everything that had gotten me to the sweet, remarkable place in my life and that’s when things started to fall apart again. Your growth, expansion and conscious expression of pure love and unique genius isn’t destination. It’s not a goal you can achieve by making a plan, mapping out a course of progress and taking action, it’s a continuous practice. It’s more about your state of being than it is about doing.
We have the power to choose who we want to be and how we want to participate in life. But first we have to break the habit of being our past self. We have to do some deep inner work, forgive everyone including ourselves for all of our perceived wrongs, trauma, wounds and mistakes. Then you must set about recreating yourself into the person you want to become. It takes effort, commitment and support to do this, but the benefits are beyond worth while and quite extraordinary. Weight loss and health are just the bonus gifts when you decide to become the cocreator of your life and let go of all the baggage and dead weight you’ve been carrying around for lifetimes.
The more you do it, the more your life transforms and the more amazing abilities and opportunities open up for you. Things and experiences you never would have imagined and your life becomes a continuous play of joyful moments and exciting experiences. That’s not to say there are never problems or challenges, but the problems and challenges suddenly become projects and creative endeavors. You give your higher power and your internal guidance system the pilot seat so you can move through the process of resolution with faith, flow and grace. It never has to end as long as your continue to put your intention and attention on your highest good, greatest expansion and most joy-filled desires.
If you’re ready to take a leap of faith and open the door to your new miraculous life, book a complimentary breakthrough session with me. We will see if I’m a good fit to guide and support you on your journey out of fear, failure and isolation into flow, freedom and fabulous fun!!