The Void Within Us

Written by: Kathy Best, Intuitive Living Expert & Life Coach

June 29, 2020

Have you ever wondered why so many people suffer from addictions? Whether it’s food, shopping, gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex, social media, video games, movies, filling your schedule full of activities so you never have a moment of alone time, personal drama, extreme sports, or some other self-destructive form of excess, we’ve all been affected in some way by addiction at some point in our lives. Addictions are a form of self-medication, avoidance, a misguided search for lasting pleasure, or denial of a deeper issue. They are often used to cover up intense emotional or physical pain or abuse, fear, anxiety, loneliness, anger, resentment, or a profound emptiness and lack of meaning in life. Getting to the heart of the issue, addressing it, and developing new, healthier coping skills are the keys to healing addiction.

At the root of all addiction is an emptiness that we try to fill with meaningless activities. When that doesn’t work we try covering up, or ignoring the feeling with whatever we can find to numb us for a time. The problem with this approach is we develop tolerances to our self-medication and find that we need more and more of it to do the job that it once did. The more we try to avoid the void in our lives, the bigger it becomes. All of these behaviors are based on fear and will never give you what you truly want and need. Our society has programmed us to believe that we should look for approval, love, respect, recognition, validation, and acceptance from everyone except ourselves. If the people around us don’t give us these things then there must be something wrong with us – we aren’t deserving, we aren’t loveable, we aren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, fast enough, talented enough, or we’re not the right ethnicity, sex, religion, age, size, sexual orientation, culture, geographical location, level of education, and on and on.

We learn all of these harmful, manipulative behaviors as children when we have no frame of reference, understanding of human ego, or role models to counteract these false, destructive patterns and beliefs. As toddlers we erroneously believe that all adults are smart, wise, honest, and trustworthy. As we grow we’re taught by our family and friends that only certain people are intelligent, wise, good, honest, and trustworthy, but we do not have the capacity to judge for ourselves so we must listen to those around us. We are taught what’s important, what’s not and who we need to please to get what we need or want. We are taught that we must do and say things that don’t feel good or right to us because that’s the way life is and if you want to survive or win you have to do whatever it takes. When we finally begin to recognize that our parents and other adults around us are not who and what we thought they were, we’ve already been brain washed to accept that we get what we deserve, our situation won’t change, feelings are for babies, must do as we’re told, can’t ask why, need to be quiet, need to grow up, don’t know anything, nothing is free, etc.

No wonder we have a void that needs to be filled. No wonder we have no idea what will fill that void. The truth is that learning to value, appreciate, respect, trust, and love ourselves independent of what others think is the most valuable, void-filling practice you can ever adopt. It sounds quite impossible after all of the programming you spent decades listening to and following, but the good news is that reprogramming yourself is much simpler than you think. There is no need to go back through all of your life experiences, making peace with each one and every person that ever hurt you, although you can do it that way if you feel so called. If you want to turn your life around rapidly it requires focus, intention, and attention.

 It’s really about making the unknown become the known and the familiar become unfamiliar. Let me explain. Up to now you’ve spent most of your life believing certain things about yourself, the world and your relationship to the people in it. You’ve also been walking around on autopilot playing old, outdated, unbeneficial programs and reactions to the people and circumstances you’ve been experiencing. Now if that’s been working really well for you and you have the perfect life, all of your relationships are incredibly harmonious, supportive, and loving and you  feel fulfilled in every way then please continue doing what you’ve been doing as you’ve obviously mastered life. If, on the other hand, you desperately want something better, more fulfilling, or just less mediocre then read on.

Did you know that your heart has a measurable electrical, magnetic field which extends five to eight feet beyond your body? Did you know that in 1991 it was discovered that the human heart has over 40,000 sensory neurites? This discovery shook the scientific world because it indicated that the heart could think and reason just like the brain. The heart’s brain is a complex network of neurons, neurotransmitters, proteins, and cells that enable it to learn, remember, feel, and sense independently from the cranial brain. Did you know that our DNA has the power to affect matter? Scientific experiments going as far back as thirty years ago showed evidence that human DNA could affect random photons and cause them to reform into alignment with the DNA. Did you know that our emotions have the power to contract or expand our DNA and when our DNA is contracted it is incapable of expressing its full potential? In another experiment human DNA was isolated and observed as it was exposed to various emotions. The DNA contracted or tightened up when exposed to anger and frustration and expanded or relaxed when exposed to feelings of gratitude, appreciation, love, and compassion. These experiments show that our feelings and emotions can directly impact how healthy or unhealthy our DNA is. They also show that our DNA has the power to affect matter, (the stuff that our world and our bodies are made of). Creating a conscious connection or coherent state between the brain and the heart has been shown to increase healing, access deep states of intuition, turn on anti-aging genes, supercharge memory and learning abilities, optimal immune response and body chemistry and much more.

One of the most effective ways to get yourself out of the old, habitual self-sabotaging programming is to practice heart-brain coherence. Just three minutes of this practice improves your ability to create new neural pathways in the brain, improves immune response, reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%, and increases the anti-aging hormone DHEA 100% for up to six hours. Regular practice improves conscious behavior patterns that promote harmony, confidence, connection, clarity, wisdom, and resilience. It’s is a simple four-step process that can be done in as little as six minutes, but the more often you do it, the better and faster the results. When you first begin this new practice I recommend you do it in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Once you pick it up you will be able to do it anywhere at any time.

Step 1: Sit or lie down and bring your awareness to the area of your heart. It may help to tap or gently rest your hand over the area of your heart in the center of your chest.

Step 2: Slow down your breathing so that you are breathing in to a count of four and out to a count of four or five. Now imagine your breath is flowing in and out of your heart.

(Make sure you are breathing from your diaphragm and not your chest. As you breathe in gently push your belly outward and as you breathe out gently pull your belly in. This may feel awkward at first because many people improperly breathe from their chest. Just take your time and do the best you can. Don’t get upset or frustrated if you can’t seem to get the rhythm right at first. Anything new takes a little practice.)

Step 3: As you focus your attention on your breath flowing in and out of your heart attempt to bring up a good feeling and re-experience it. The four most effective emotions are gratitude, appreciation, care, and compassion. If you can recall a person, place, thing, or event that made you feel any of these emotions do your best to feel that emotion as if you are reliving that moment. No need to visualize it unless that helps you. Simply feel the emotion as you continue to breathe slowly in and out of your heart-center for several minutes. If you cannot recall anything that inspires those feelings you can try watching this YouTube video:

Step 4: After you’ve spent a few minutes breathing the feelings of gratitude, appreciation, care, or compassion into your heart it’s time to send those feelings up into your mind. Imagine your breath expanding the emotions out from your heart and up into your head. If you need to you can picture a long golden cord extending from your heart up into your mind or you can send the feelings up your spinal cord into your head. Do this for two or three minutes and then bring your awareness back to your environment and go about your day.

That’s all there is to it, but the benefits are immense.

You can follow up this practice with affirmations to supercharge your results and also use it in conjunction with EFT to breakthrough tough blocks and patterns in a matter of minutes. Results will vary depending on the level of experience with these other processes, the time and attention invested, and the willingness to change self-destructive patterns and tendencies. Not everyone feels comfortable using these tools without guidance or support. If you feel you need additional assistance please look for someone that has experience, training, and someone you feel safe and comfortable with. Remember that education is not everything. Not everyone graduates at the top of their class and not everyone has the natural ability to hold a safe, healing space for others. Referrals and your own gut feelings are often the best way to choose a practitioner or coach to support your healing journey.

Kathy Best is an Intuitive Living Expert, who combines her experience and knowledge in Nutritional Therapy, Reiki, Quantum Touch, Ho’Oponopono, EFT, Compassionate Communication, Angelic Guidance and Healing, and personal development coaching into individualized programs that help her clients recover their emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual balance so that they can reclaim their divine gifts, redefine themselves, and recreate their lives into the glorious, happy, vibrant, fulfilling masterpieces they were meant to be!

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