How to Overcome Self-Sabotage Part 7 – Fear Based Decisions

written by: Kathy Best, CRRC, ACCR, PSDC, CNT, September 9, 2019

Fear Based Decisions – This one was a big one for me for much of my life prior to my spiritual awakening. Often life makes us feel as if we cannot trust ourselves or anyone else for that matter. Maybe we’ve experienced some violence or abuse in our past and now we see every new experience through a lens of fear and distrust, or shame and guilt. This perspective hinders our ability to heal, to move forward, to feel happiness, joy, love, and feel safe in relationships. Fear can be overpowering and crippling when we allow it to take root in our mind and heart. Many times these fears are unjustified, possibly as a result of someone else’s suffering, something we saw on the news, or even movies we have paid to watch so we would be scared out of our minds. Therein lies the problem. We allow fear to scare us out of our mind and begin creating all sorts of terrifying scenarios that almost never come to pass. It’s not really the tragic or abusive events that keep us trapped, it’s our imagination running rampant that continues to create more and more elaborate, detailed, horror stories or replays events that lasted only a few minutes, but with our fear in control we live in those moments over and over again endlessly. From this place we cannot help but make poor choices, bad decisions, and prolong our suffering inevitably.

Fortunately we can learn to control fear instead of letting it control us. The first step is acknowledging that we have justifiable and unjustified fears. The next step is assessing our fears. Take an honest, realistic look at your fears and assess the likelihood of each one ever occurring, or if you have experienced real fearful situations, reassess the likelihood of them reoccurring. Now it’s time to follow each fear down the rabbit hole. (If you have any long-term emotional trauma this will be something to work through with a therapist or counselor. If you’ve worked with a therapist or counselor for some time and don’t seem to be making progress you may want to seek out a qualified energy healer, spiritual therapist, or certified personal development coach to help you discover new tools and practices that can get you on the path to healing.)

Take each fear individually and follow it, in your mind, through the worst case scenario. What would that look like for you? How would it feel? How would you handle it? What would be the end result? Try several different scenarios for each fear and follow it in your mind through to the tragic end. Now look at what each of these scenarios has in common. Most likely they either end in you being physically incapable of taking care of yourself or you dying. Take a good look at these endings and really get a sense of what it is about these situations that scares you most. There will be a theme and this will illuminate the real fear that is keeping you stuck and trapped in fear-based decisions. Possibly it’s a fear that you can’t take care of yourself, a fear of rejection, a fear of being alone, a fear of not having someone you love be there for you, or a fear of death. In all of the endings where you did not die think about what you could do right now to make sure that you could make it through your worst case scenarios – whether it’s learning some new skills, developing new relationships, investing in long-term care insurance, growing your financial resources, or cultivating more inner peace, strength, and a connection to your higher power.

It can be very cathartic just to go through the scenarios and envision yourself overcoming all of the horrors you can imagine or even changing the endings to more positive outcomes. Death is a tough one, especially if you have a lot of ingrained religious dogma that convinces you of punishment and suffering in the afterlife. All I can say is that my experience with the Creator is that of a strong, protective, gentle, kind, compassionate being that knows only unconditional love for all of Its creations and a willingness to allow us to express and experience whatever we believe and accept as our truth. Free will has no strings attached and we experience whatever we expect and whatever we focus our attention upon.

The final step has to be the most difficult because we now need to walk toward some of our fears to understand that we can minimize the power fear has over us by facing what it is we fear the most. I am NOT telling you to seek out violence, abuse, or danger. I am telling you that walking into a crowded room of strangers and introducing yourself to a few will not kill you and just might make you stronger. I am telling you that giving a speech at work, or at school will not kill you and just might open up a whole new world for you. I am telling you that going to karaoke night with some friends and singing your heart out while sober will not kill you, but it just might give you the confidence to ask that guy out you’ve been eyeing for three months. I am telling you that applying for that job you’d love to have won’t kill you, but it just might improve your interview skills or give you the nudge you need to learn some new skills. There are so many irrational fears we build up in our mind that hold us back, keep us stuck, and trap us in lives of mediocrity and desperation, but it does not have to be that way.

Just remember that we are energetic beings in an energetic universe. Everything is composed of atoms of energy vibrating at different speeds. Furniture, buildings, clothes, plants, animals, vehicles, people, thoughts, and emotions all have different energy vibrations and what we sometimes think of as fear can just be our bodies way of preparing us for a shift in energy when we are about to undertake new experiences. That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you go to a new school, new job, new home, or a new environment is just your body adjusting your energy vibration to match the new vibrations around you or to protect you from being overwhelmed by energy vibrations unconducive to your highest good. It may not be fear at all, but simply your body trying to guide you away from negative experiences and toward positive experiences. The trick is to learn how to recognize one from the other. This is another area of self-discovery that can be supported and assisted with a trained life coach, spiritual therapist, energy healer, or a combination of several modalities. Human beings are meant to have meaningful connections with others and support and guidance from people in heart-centered fields of healing and spiritual development. Just make sure you find someone that resonates with you on a deep level and makes you feel safe, heard, and respected.

I would be honored to be of service to you in this capacity, so register for a Path to Freedom Breakthrough Session at the top of this page and we can see if we would be a good fit to work together. I know I can absolutely help you go from where you are to where you want to be.

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